How to “mother” your own children is not a skill you pick up from a manual, from other mothers or even from professionals, including pediatricians. As my daughter Maggie gets closer to her due date of December 4 ^th , I’ve been thinking a lot about this transition into motherhood . Look at it like learning how to ride a bike. When you first get up on a bicycle seat, you feel shaky. Maybe you even fall off the bike but you keep climbing back on because the sensation is pretty exhilarating. Finally, you start speeding along. It is a unique talent you had all along. You might not have tried it before or known how wonderful it would feel but you had the capacity to ride that bike all along.

Following a manual’s instructions for riding a bike is ridiculous. “Don’t lean too far to either side,” or, “Keep your left foot up while your right foot pedals downward.” Imagine trying to balance while following such detailed directions. It would be impossible. The book would only make riding more complicated than it should be when your own coordination and instinct will ultimately send you sailing along. The same is true for motherhood.

All the parenting books, the professionals as well as that army of well-meaning family and friends should become nothing more to you than a box of tissues. Take the tissue (or advice), use it if you want but toss it aside with no guilt. Following someone else’s parenting advice won’t necessarily make you a better parent, it will just make you a follower.