The Grandmother Effect

October 1, 2015

I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting the last few months and there is nothing more rewarding and exhausting. There is certainly a biological reason for motherhood being reserved for the younger generation. Don’t even try to talk to me after a 12-hour day with a toddler. I am so tired that I can hardly think straight. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Not only am I growing closer and more in love with all three of my grandchildren but it turns out that my natural instinct as a grandmother to want to help my children raise their children has evolutionary rewards for all.

Evie is Miss Independent on a beach walk. Keeps me racing after her!

Google the “grandmother hypothesis” and the term pops up in various scientific places. Even Wikipedia covers the topic questioning whether this theory could explain the existence of menopause. Hah. Why do women live long after our roles as fertile females able to give birth have ended?

Researcher James G. Herndon at Emory University in Atlanta, GA, surmises, “Women who remain vigorous beyond their fertile years may have enhanced their reproductive success by providing care for their grandchildren. This care would have enabled their daughters to resume reproduction sooner.” In other words, grandmothers make it possible for daughters to have more children and thereby ensure that the next generation lives and prospers. This certainly makes sense. In “The Grandmother Effect: Implications for Studies on Aging and Cognition,” published in Gerontology (January 2010), Herndon also suggests that grandmothering is good for the older woman’s brain too. “The ancestral human grandmothers necessarily included resistance to cognitive decline” … and gained advantages in “social cognition.” In fact, Herndon suggests that having to stay sharp cognitively by sharing our wisdom, vitality and “social brain” with grandchildren actually helps us compensate for age-related physical decline.

Finn and Charlotte loved swimming this past summer season!

There are experts who dispute the logic behind this grandmother hypothesis, but I’m certainly not in their camp. This theory makes me understand the critical nature of this role in my life, not only for the kids but for me.

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What's in a Baby's Facial Expression

July 18, 2017

Alexander Stone Carr was born on Dec. 16, 2016 and I met this newest – my fifth! – grandchild moments after his birth in the middle of a long night. He stared intently, wide-awake and alert, into his mother’s eyes and actually grabbed for a necklace Maggie was wearing. Both wore falling-in-love-at-first-sight facial expressions that were absolutely priceless. And since then, Alex has only grown even more expansive in the way he can speak volumes with his little face using every muscle available, even his eyebrows going up and down in what looks like real wisdom. I mean, honestly, how did he know how to smile and make eye contact at the perfect moments? He’s also talking baby gibberish, chatting seriously about what’s on his mind…though we don’t understand a word he is saying as yet. His pure joy at being here is apparent to all, even complete strangers who engage with him.

Thanks Mom...Understanding Attachment Theory

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Don't Knock Nesting Instinct

October 20, 2016

My daughter Maggie is going to have a little boy on or about December 22 of this year. She is absolutely thrilled and absolutely caught up in nesting instinct imperatives. Please don’t knock them. “Maternal nest-building is regulated by the hormonal actions of estradiol, progesterone and prolactin,” according to Wikipedia which references a study in the Journal of Neuroendocrinology .

Sibling Rivalry Never Grows Old

September 15, 2016

This morning one of my siblings sent an exasperating “dig” my way. I’m one of six children and right in the middle of the pack. I should be used to family dynamics by now – after all, I’m 67 – but of course, I’m not. What is absolutely extraordinary in this ordinary world of family life, is that sibling rivalry never grows old.

Extraordinary Liars

August 11, 2016

My grandchildren are incapable of lying. Even if I have broken unwritten rules while babysitting and allowed them to pick anything they want to eat at the Red Store, Finn and Charlotte will share the news of their secret treats immediately with their mother. “Guess what Grammy let us have?!”

Don't Pick on Picky Eaters

July 13, 2016

I’ve had generations of experience with what society likes to call “picky eaters.” My father had very touchy taste buds, for instance, and would carefully separate the miniscule pieces of minced onion my mother had chopped so finely into her beef stroganoff. That little pile on the side of his plate after he had finished his meal was a dead giveaway. We six children grew up knowing that dad would only eat certain foods. So when my son Zach – even as an infant – showed picky-eater tendencies, I was alarmed at first. Advice-givers, medical professionals, well-meaning relatives as well as total strangers, were everywhere. It took some research to be able to withstand the onslaught from all sides. Zach is healthy, happy and brilliant. He didn’t eat his peas. So what.

Why Crying Is Good for You

June 29, 2016

I cry easily at happy, sad or any kind of emotional occasion. Last Monday, all three of my grandchildren cried at different points during what was actually a wonderful day. From a sibling squabble between Finn, 5, and Charlotte, almost 4, to the emotional frustration experienced by their cousin Evie at 2, the tears fell. I often beat myself up about how easily my tears show up. My older sister reminds me that when I cry I lose all my power. Damn those tears! Or maybe not?

Positive Emotions = Smarter & Healthier

May 3, 2016

Watching my grandchildren at play on Saturday sent me on a quest to research just how powerful happy playfulness can be. Finn, 5, Charlotte, 3 and Evie, 2, were having so much fun that I overheard Ev say, “I love playing.” I expected to find research that supported the importance of play for growing children but stumbled upon the brilliant work of social psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, PhD, now at the University of North Carolina. Play and the positive emotions accompanying it, are critical for adults’ physical health and intellectual well-being.

Mother-Baby Bond: Priceless!

January 11, 2016

Gut Wisdom

July 14, 2015

Buy this book! Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ by Giula Enders, a 25-year-old doctoral student at the Institute for Medical Microbiology in Frankfurt, Germany, is absolutely wonderful. I know. I know. Who really wants to read about Charming Bowels (or Darm mit Charme the title of her book before it was translated and marketed for U.S. readers)? We all should.